December 2003

• You Think It's Funny, But It's Not (What's the worst thing about dealing with your kid's illness? Mucus. Lots and lots of mucus.)
• I Do? (My attempts at marriage advice.)
• I Don't Believe In The Little Drummer Boy (My annual Christmas rant about the Little Drummer Boy)
• What If I Quadrupled It? (Double a dollar 20 times, and you'll have a million dollars!)

November 2003

• I'll Never Be Your Beast of Burden (Sometimes kids see their parents as nothing more than pack animals.)
• How About "Big Daddy?" (My futile search for a good nickname.)
• 'Twas the Month Before Christmas (A Laughing Stalk tradition -- a poetic tribute to the crass commercialism of Christmas.)
• The Three Phases of Parenting (Parents tend to lower their standards with each new baby.)

October 2003

• What's Wrong with Hall & Oates? (Music from the '80s rocks!)
• The Parents' Curse (Every kid thinks they're invincible; every parent knows they're not.)
• Deckers Family, Inc. (A yearly evaluation report from President Daddy.)
• At Least It's Better Than Voices (Want to get rid of that song stuck in your head? Wouldn't we all?)
• Just Imagine Them Naked (No really, public speaking can be fun.)

September 2003

• Don't Forget the Recliner (So what goes into a Guy's Garage? Not his wife's stuff!)
• Go Bug Someone Else (I've declared war on insects!)
• Do They Have Air Roadies? (Who invented the Air Guitar? You'll be surprised.)
• But I NEED Five Hammers (Home improvement is FUN! Ask any Guy.)

August 2003

• Maybe I Should Dig a Moat (Men don't use swords to defend their territory, they use their lawn mowers.)
• Yeah? Well, I DOUBLE Dare You! (I was never much of a fighter as a kid. Here's why.)
• Which Part of No Don't You Understand? (I'm sorry, but I used to be a telemarketer.)
• Wine Selection for Guys (Let's face it, they can't do it.)
• Because I'm the Daddy, That's Why (A conversation with my family.)

July 2003

• She's Suing Over the Jello Too (A Pennsylvania woman sues a hospital for not banning illegal drugs)
• At Least It Wasn't A Tank (A Scottish guy lays in the road and then tries to sue the guy who hit him.)
• No Really, That's His Name (What can you do with a bonehead politician named Weiner? What else? Make fun of him!)
• My Lens Is Bigger Than Yours (My forays into photography with a really-and-for-true camera.)

June 2003

• Snakes Have Feelings Too, You Know (My feelings about the Narcisse Great Snake Awakening in one word: "UGH!")
• Would You Believe A Tornado Did It? (Utah Morons -- NOT Mormons -- try to cash in on an $88 billion hoax.)
• We Knew It All Along (Science proves that Guys don't NEED to ask for directions!)
• My Lawyer Says I'm the Best (Blair Hornstine - yet another pouty little valedictorian)

May 2003

• The #1 Reason Fishing is Much Safer (A hunter is suing a bullet manufacturer because he got mauled by a lion.)
• Hit Any Key To Flush (Microsoft UK is creating iLoo -- web-enabled toilets. Users will be known as iLosers.)
• It's a Nice Place to Visit, But. . . (Take a quick trip around the US and visit some cities and towns with very odd names.)
• You're Outta Here! (A kid was booted from his high school baseball team, so he's suing for his lost pro salary.)
• Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire (NY Times fraudster Jayson Blair is ruining it for the rest of us writers. Jerk.)

April 2003

• You Want Me to What Your WHAT?! (A British man is complaining because a doctor won't examine his cervix.)
• A Horse Walks Into a Bar. . . (My daughter's foray into joke telling.)
• An Alternative to Corporal Punishment (A teacher is suing a 13-year-old student for running into her.)
• Can I Hold Up My Finger Instead? (Which is worse? Banning eye-rolling from politics or changing a town's name because PETA wants you to?)

March 2003

• I've Got This Bridge I'd Like To Sell You (The dreaded Nigerian "419" scam letters have claimed another victim.)
• "That's Not a Knife. This Is a Knife" (Zero Tolerance claims yet another victim: Common Sense. [As seen in The Bonehead of the Day Awards])
• How to Make $41 Per Day (Ever wonder if someone was dumb enough to get a tattoo on their forehead? Wonder no more!)
• Propaganda Practices In Persian P... Gulf (Find the Laughing Stalk special joke bonus HERE!)

February 2003

• Gimme an 'A' . . . Or Else! (What do you do if you get a grade you don't like? You sue, of course!)
• Do You Have Any Michael Johnson? (Athens Olympic organizers are marketing new Olympic perfume. I've got a few recommendations of my own.)
• With Education, Everyone's a Winner! (Instead of one valedictorian whining about his grade, now we've got two)
• What Would a Snow Michael Jackson Look Like? (Snow breasts on a snow woman: high art or filthy smut?)

January 2003

• Stop Looking At Me! (Fans watching Chicago Cubs games from rooftops is tradition. Or at least it used to be.)
• I'll Have What She's Having (Look, I just want a hamburger, not a Super-dee-Duper Dude!)
• What Does "Dinosaur" Smell Like? (Odors at theme parks could be bad news if Pirates of the Caribbean tried it.)
• You Know, It's Just. . . "It" (It's Celebrity American Idol complete with moronic judges!)
• Would Rum Work Instead? (Can three $1800 magic wands make negative thoughts disappear? Hardly.)